I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
