why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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