thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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