I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
