Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
