the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
