I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he puts the penis in happiness.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
