In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this just has baby written all over it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
