Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
