Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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