this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
