The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
