no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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