like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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