Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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