my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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