My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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