So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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