hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
