I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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