NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
