I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize