Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
