She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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