Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
