How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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