it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
