Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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