I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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