i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
