I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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