can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
