I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
