He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
