and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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