Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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