i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish they made helmets for livers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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