nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
