gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
