I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
