I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
