I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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