Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
