South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
