Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
