Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
