I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
