I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
