remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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