Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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