either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
