My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
