come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
