Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
