Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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