Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
