i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
