It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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