Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
