it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
