My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
