there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
