Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
dude. I can hear the air.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
