Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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