Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
