So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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