this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
