I wish my penis had an off switch
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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