During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
