8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
