I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
