I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
