Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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