Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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