lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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