Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize