I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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