everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
