She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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